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Wednesday, 17 August 2011

Stuart's Daily Word Spot: Banker

Various Federal Reserve Notes, c.1995. Only th...Image via Wikipedia
Banker: noun – a chiseller, selfish user, cheat, liar, destroyer of worlds, wanker (of course), greedy pig, money worshipper, materialist, …. I’m sure you can add your own to this list of synonyms; please do.

‘The banker promised to do the best he could for the customer but discovered that this would be inconvenient for him, so helped himself instead.’

‘Counting his customers’ money, the banker decided he had more right to it than the lawful owners, so devised sophisticated methods to rob them of it.’

‘Advising his customer to take out the low interest mortgage, because it was cheaper than that offered by the opposition, the banker smiled as he slapped on an unjustified and swingeing handling fee that was mentioned only within the fourth paragraph of the nineteenth page of the small print.’

‘The customer didn’t want or need Payment Protection Insurance, but the banker included it in the loan anyway, knowing that most customers would either not notice or be too lazy or intimidated to demand its removal.’

‘When I asked the banker whether the Payment Protection Insurance would apply at once in the event of redundancy or sickness, she assured me this was the case. However, when I was made redundant a short while later, I learned that the PPI would not become effective until I had been out of work for 6 months.’

‘The banker promised the government that he would lend money, at reasonable rates, to any viable small business that applied for it, but he made the process so difficult and costly that very few felt it was worth their while.’

‘When bonus time came around, the banker decided that normal rules - requiring some evidence of achievement, success or extraordinary effort to serve his customers – would not apply to those in the banking industry, so they paid everyone above a certain level of seniority excessive sums regardless of performance, and all the bankers were happy.’

I know this is an extra; but, hearing the news about mortgage lending schemes with small print and excessive handling charges, I just had to have my say.

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